What Matters Last year was amazing The tour the film the people the service The travel The speeches The love The music Amazing It was also exhausting Mentally Physically emotionally Exhausting By October I was empty But still had work to do By November i was done By all accounts In every way I white knuckled my way thru To the very last engagement And then I retreated I decided to be still And I felt some kind of way Cutting people off And felt some kind of way about People feeling some kind of way about Me cutting them off But i was doing what i knew how to do To get back to The me i needed Vs The me that was trying so hard to be and give and do What everyone else needed I needed to be quiet And refocus And say no And be still And listen And i did I needed to silence the noise Remove the energy that was not for me I needed to be me again And i did it the best way i knew how Seclusion And it was wonderful 6 mos later But not fully back I took a trip home And people literally stopped Stared And remarked at how different (good.well) I looked Like repeating themselves In oohs And aaahs And blank stares And “you look so good”s Like if they had said it one more time It would have been an insult lol But it wasn’t It was a reminder That Karan is beautiful But healthy Karan, well She glows That when i take the time to be still And give me the attention that i need To refill And do for me There is a something all over me That gives light And people are so unaccustomed to seeing me glow Because i am so unaccustomed to taking time to refill And people are so unaccustomed to not having access to me Because i am so accustomed to making myself accessible even when it is of no benefit to me And me looking good is shocking Because i so regularly run myself into the ground And for what? A grind? Success? Obligation? Necessity? I mean really What is it for? With that confirmation And after the trip I went back in And here I sit Smaller circle Bigger life Better Ready Glowing And I say all of that to say this Do what you need to do for you The way you need to do it When you need to do it Where you need to do it For as long as you need to do it Because not doing it Could cost you more than a feeling It could cost you everything And the people The work The feelings The events The happenings Will all be alright And if they are not Fuck them Because you will be alright And you will be better And you will be braver And you will be ready For the next people And Work And feelings And events And happenings And the new will be better than the former The new will be better than the former The new will be better than the former The new will be better than the former And you will be better than ever Be brave enough to choose you Over everything I did And Baby You ain’t ready For what’s next ❤️ K-
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AuthorIn my Willow Smith voice, "I'm me-e...and that's all I can be." ArchivesCategories |